you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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