I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
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My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
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Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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