My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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