Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
