I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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