Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
