you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
