my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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