I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
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ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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