i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
