ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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