So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
