what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
