My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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