My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
