it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
