Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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