First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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