69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
