I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
