i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
