I'm lost and stupid without you.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
