whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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