We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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