is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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