I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Green mimosas i think yes
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You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
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Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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