I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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