Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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