rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
