Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
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The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
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Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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