Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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