You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
