i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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