Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
