We're like a lot better than the average bears
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's never too late to be topless.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
