did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
