I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
