i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
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Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
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There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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