I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
