Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
