why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
