that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
