If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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