His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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