I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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