You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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