It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They took my balls.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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