Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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