i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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