I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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