the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
