Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I need a beard to bite.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
