It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
